My words...

...they are true. when i say i'm mad at you, it is because im mad at you. when i say i love you, it is truly bcoz i love u. ive no doubt about that. even though it does not mean that i have never lied my entire life, but im not a person who tells lie. hiding the truth and telling lies, those are very different. i might hide the real feelings i have inside of me if i dont want to discuss about it but for sure i wont tell lies. that's how i trained myself. that is how i am.

when i say i wanna be the best child in my family, i mean it. when i say i wanna be the best mom for my future kids, i mean it too..and when i say i wanna be the best companion to my future husband...yes, i also mean it. they are not just my words...they are my promises to myself that i will always try my best to keep it.

i am fragile right now. oh yes i am. life is just like that. sometimes we are up, sometimes we are below down, hit the bottom of the rock. and right now i really feel like i'm at the bottom. i am trying my best to lift myself up again. (now i know it is suffocate enough to be at the bottom, it is like no air for u to breath) i guess this time i'm alone for this one, which is also good for me. because if i depend so much on others, but when the time comes that they are just not there for me, at least i know what to do. i will inshaAllah always remember this moment-the moment that my heart is crushed...minced...diced...and then crushed again...or maybe blended too. it sounds cruel but it is. right now it is time for repairing them. i know, there is no one to do it for me or at least gimme some anesthetic so that i wont feel hurt that much...again, it is myself. i will try my best. today, i am nobody. but someday i believe that i'm going to be somebody who people admire a lot, who can inspire others for good....when that day comes, i will always remember this moment of myself hitting the bottom of the rock so that i will inshaAllah be moderate in everything i do, always remember 'the bottom' whenever i'm up in the sky....and always remember that i will be up in the sky again whenever i'm at the bottom....as i am right now.