Wednesday, September 8, 2010

myself @ hometown

i've few things that i want to let it out.

1) i can say that i'm a different person. well, not so differ...just a bit. more or less i can be my true self. be true to myself. but part of me that have changed...i cant keep it going. therefore i realized the importance of hegira when we wish to change our character or habit. in a new environment, no one know us. nobody. people dont judge cause they didnt know who we were in the past.

2) i'm so stubborn! trust me. this is the real me. very stubborn. for e.g i had planned to go for terawih everynite at my village...well, by wearing jubah and headscarf not the 'kain telekung' like most Malay do. 1st nite at my house, i dressed up in jubah. when my mom called me and wanted us to go to the masjid together, she looked at me in a very weird and unpleasant look. why? bcoz i wear jubah. she didnt like it. she asked me to wear telekung outside. i said there's no need to wear telekung since i've already covered my aurah. plus, this is the way i dress whenever i solat here in uia. i've been like this for more than a year. sometimes i wear baju kurung...sometimes telekung or jubah. however my mother didnt like it. she made face. she didnt approved my way. ...[i felt like crying] what did i do wrong???? hmmm...she said i'd just distract others to it true???? i dont think so. u see many Malays when they go to masjid the telekung they bring are so full of! for me i just wear PLAIN+BLACK jubah with no decorations at all! if it is true i can be the cause of distraction, i can say the same for male muslim that wear colorful baju melayu and kain pelikat....its d same thing! i seriously cant accept it when my own mother didnt acknowledge my way. i felt hurt! as the result, i didnt go to masjid. i told her if i was d one who can cause disturbance to other ma'mun then i'll just pray @ home....untill tonite. i never went to masjid since i was home. i'm sad...upset. but due to my stubborness...i really wanna show and prove to my mom that there's nothg wrong to solat in jubah and headscarf. and yesterday...guess what...she waited for me to go to masjid when she saw me prepared myself for solat(of course in jubah and headscarf only)...i knew that she had realized that i wouldnt change my she started to accept i...well, may be for her, as long as i go to masjid...its up to me to wear whatever i want if it covers my aurah. but seriously, i didnt have any mood to do that. she did reject it at first. i felt tht my pride is hurt. i'm stubborn. i admit tht. its my trait. when i made any decision, i rarely change it coz if i really know mysef i'm a person who are notan easy decision-maker. i take time to make up my mind. along one. that's why once i decide, i wont turn back. unless it is a wrong decision that might be harmful to me or my life.

i really hope that people can change their way of thinking that Islam is more important than culture/norm/habit. it's a culture to wear telekung for prayer but in islam as long as we cover our aurah, we automatically can pray without having to put telekung outside! (the reason i prefer to wear jubah whenever i solat is that to avoid sweating esp during terawih, easier, and make me feel that Islam is easy and do not put any burden to the followers. it also makes me alert of my movement during solat)

i always remember my lec said:
"dont think locally, think globally!"-Kabbashi 2009/2010